Diana, Goddess of Healing

Bastia, Corsica, France – Livorno – Florence, Tuscany, Italy

Many people seem to think that the gods and goddesses of Greece and Rome died off millennia ago. 

Foolish mortals.

As if Zeus and Athena would just sink into the mist. 

Look around!

Is there not war? Is not Ares, or, as he is sometimes known, Mars, still as powerful as ever? Indeed, his powers have grown. Whole cities disappear in a blink of his eye.

Is there not farming, with harvests far greater than ever before? Clearly, Demeter’s powers have multiplied – with food enough to feed our billions. 

And storms from the heavens are worse than ever. Zeus is not only alive, he is angry and resentful, and he casts his thunderbolts, his lightning, his droughts, and his floods whither he wants. 

One of the gods – Artemis – or, as she has been known for a long time now – Diana – roams the Earth even today. The god of childbirth and midwifery, she has taken a special interest in health and healing, and her powers have grown with the years.

She has forsaken her chariot and horses for a new steed, whom she calls Little Ann. This Little Ann has carried her over half the Earth, for Diana is restless, and searching for she knows not what. 

Strangely, she has taken on a weak mortal for her husband. He travels with her on a steed they call Old Dan. Every day they make their way closer to the ancient home of the gods and men. And as they approach, the gods have become restless – and some newer gods, born to the likes of philanderers like Zeus and Poseidon – have conspired to stand in their way because they are afraid that Diana, with her great powers, will upset their place in the heavens. 

Just a few days ago Diana and her very mortal husband and Little Ann and Old Dan sought to take a boat from the Isle of Corsica to the old Roman peninsula. It was at this point that Malum, one of these newer gods, tried to intercede. 

Malum is the god of technology. He can be incredibly helpful, or he can make your life miserable, as his whim. 

As Diana went to procure tickets for the ship, Malum cast an evil spell so that Diana would not receive any communication from the ship – preventing her from purchasing the tickets they needed. Diana became very angry, and almost cast Malum’s little device they call a phone into the sea. 

But Diana’s is practical, so she sent her husband to inquire about a second boat, and they purchased their new tickets directly and then sprinted on their bicycle steeds to the ship, which waited for them as they were the last to board. 

And they made their way to this place they call Italia today. 

Now, their goal is to cross Italy, but they also wanted to visit the cities of Pisa and Florence on their way. 

First stop upon disembarking was a nearby campground. But Diana’s twin, Apollo, is also resentful of his sister, angry that she should have married a mortal from this far away place they call Minnesota. He raced his chariot across the sky, bringing darkness so that Diana, who has poor night vision, couldn’t see. 

Now, Apollo has become fast friends with another lesser known figure they call Culicem – the god of the mosquito. Culicem actually spends most of her time in Minnesota so Diana and John know her well. And Diana hates her with all her might. Diana tries to heal, while Calicum spreads disease and misery. And, while Diana is strong like a honey badger, mosquitoes are her Achilles Heel. 

Diana raged when Calicem sent her plague upon them, and she called upon her husband to rid the tent of mosquitoes – one of his few skills. And he did. And they slept, and ate porridge in the morning.

The next day they visited this place they call Pisa. Diana, who is not easily impressed, declared that she was not impressed with the tower there. 

“I was expecting a bigger lean,” she said. 

And there were many of these people they call Chinese there. And they spent much time posing with the tower, pretending to hold it up. And, again, Diana, whom they sometimes call Dr. Liu because of her great healing powers, was, once again, not impressed. 

So they went on to Florence. And they visited a place called Uffizi and learned about people called the Medicis. For people who worship money and power, the Medicis were like gods in Florence. They ruled Florence for hundreds of years, and some of them even became like high priests of this new religion of Christianity – they were called Popes. They were huge patrons of the arts. They funded people like Michalangelo and DaVinci and Botticelli. But about three hundred years ago the Medicis died out – leaving behind a city rich in culture and history. 

This Uffizi Gallery was incredible to Diana and John. It held many paintings – like this famous one showing the birth of Venus – who is otherwise known as Aphrodite. But there were also many statues – some showing Diana herself, others depicting Apollo, and Poseidon, Athena and Hades, and pretty much all the heroes of ancient times. 

Of course, they had to go back to the Uffizi before they left Florence because Diana’s very mortal husband did something that mortals do . . . he left his pocketknife at the gallery. 

Now, it happens that one of John’s favorite foods in the whole world is cannoli. Not those cheap imitation cannolis with chocolate chips and whipped cream. No, a real cannoli where they inject the ricotta cheese filling right before your eyes. The best cannolis he’s ever had came from an Italian bakery in Queens – about a block from where Diana grew up. But John, being weak-willed, could not wait until Queens to have another cannoli. So he tried a Florence cannoli. It was pretty good – but not up to Queens standards. For one thing, the cookie party was kind of burnt and cracked too easily.

Diana, too, has her favorites. Biscotti. Good, hard biscotti, where you almost break your teeth when you bite into them. (I mean, Diana’s teeth won’t break because she brushes them like five times per day and they are strong and, really, immortal teeth – but you get the point . . .). But with no lemon rind or other crazy flavors that ruin the pure biscotti taste. Diana also sought her favorite in Florence. Sadly, Diana did not find any perfect biscotti either. 

The search for perfect foods goes on. Apparently part of the point of this journey . . .

They also met many people. 

They met Valentino from Albania. Valentino told them about his country. It is mountainous with big beautiful canyons – with clean rivers running through them. There aren’t many people in Albania because the wages are low and young people – like Valentino – move to places like Italy to make more money. But Valentino promised that our heroes would love his homeland.

They met Fiona and Thomas from Germany. Fiona has been on bike trips before, but this is Thomas’ first time. They are biking from Milan to Rome. They packed light and are staying in hotels and they are moving very fast. 

And they met Justyna, who came to Florence many years ago to study painting and never left. Justyna is from Krakow, Poland, a place Diana and John hope to visit later in their trip. Justyna helped welcome them to their Airbnb. 

The riding in Italy has been amazing. The Appenine Mountains have been beautiful – but it’s not like climbing Mount Olympus. Gentle rolling hills. Lush and green. 

Sadly, the party has encountered more jealousy from the other gods. Today at lunch, Cyclismo, another newer god, son of Hephaestus, the god of blacksmithing and metalworks, caused a shard of metal to become lodged in Old Dan’s front tire. This resulted in a long delay while John fixed the tire, then rotated the tires, and then realized that his brake pads were almost worn to nothing. 

For her part, Diana laughed at Cyclismo: “You think you are going to stop me from biking? I bike through rain and snow. I bike through sand and wind. No mere half-breed god is going to stop me.”

When they arrived at the finish of their day tonight they found that yet another god had tried to sabotage them – this time Castrametatio – the god of camping. Castrametatio had made sure that the restaurant and mini-mart that were supposed to be at this place were not open – so that our heroes might starve. 

But they found a bar open down the street. And the bar had sausages and some bread and cheese. Next to the bar they found a cherry tree, and picked many that they might have sweet fruit.

And they found rosemary and mint growing wild – and picked them that they might have a flavorful meal. And they used their last packet of Soup Surprise from Chile, and imbibed a $2 box of wine from the bar that they might eat in abundance once more. 

And the evil plan of Castrametatio was thwarted. 

And Diana laughed at Castrametatio: “You think you are going to stop me with this feeble plan? I do not even need food or drink. It is true that you might delay my husband with such a plan – but we are more resourceful than you might think.”

Over the next few days, Diana and John and Old Dan and Little Ann continue on toward the Italian coast and then their next boat on Monday. This time Diana, who is not easily fooled twice, has already purchased the tickets.

Tomorrow they pass through Arezzo, which is supposed to be a great place, with medieval walls and a market and such. 

As for the boat, it will take them to Croatia and then other Balkan lands in the former Yugoslavia before they arrive in the land of Zeus and Athena and Diana.