Obesiosis … or … Just When You Thought it Couldn’t Get Any Worse!

And you thought it couldn’t it get any worse . . .

I guess it can always be worse . . .

You know what is worse than one tick-borne illness? Two tick-borne illnesses. 

I went in to see Dr. Swank on Friday. This was supposed to be a follow up visit – just to make sure the doxycycline was killing the lyme’s and I was feeling better. 

As it turned out I still wasn’t feeling great. Headaches. Achy-ness. Trouble sleeping. Just generally yuckiness continued all week . . .

My friend Rhett – a physician in Duluth – had suggested that sometimes older people (the clear implication was that I was such an “older” person (some friend!)) who have let their lyme’s drag on for too long can have the lyme’s really dig in – and in those cases sometimes the old people may need to take a double-dose of doxy – for up to three weeks. 

So I was kind of thinking that might be the direction of the conversation with Dr. Swank. 

Not quite . . .

He tells me there is “something else going on.” 

Now I haven’t necessarily been the recipient of this type of bad news too often, but in the movies this is the type of thing they say before delivering the bad news: “You have a type 7 tumor and have three days left to live . . .” That type of thing.

So I’m prepared for the worst. 

What I hear instead surprises me. 

What I hear is: “You have another tick borne illness: obesiosis.” 

Now I have never heard of obesiosis, but I am truly scared. Diana is not going to be happy about this. I’m imagining what happens when you get this disease: obviously you become, well . . . obese. 

If you know Dr Liu you know that obesity is high on her list of the root causes of all evil. 

Knee pain? That’s because you’re obese.

Trouble sleeping? That’s because you’re obese.

Conflict in the Middle East? Obesity.

Bad grades? Obesity.

You get the idea . . .

(I do have to offer a little clarification here. Dr. Liu is an amazing physician. And for her actual patients – that is, not her immediate family, she is incredibly empathetic and thoughtful . . . Sadly, I don’t fall into that category.)

Anyway, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to go home with a disease like obesiosis. I’m definitely not going to be welcome on a trip around the world with such a debilitating condition . . .

So this is what’s racing through my mind as Dr. Swank drones on about how babesiosis explains why I’m still feeling sick. Babesiosis is different from lyme’s. They are both tick-borne, but lyme’s is bacterial and babesiosis is more parasitic.

I’m kind of listening but I’m mostly imagining the terrible ramifications of my illness.

Wait. 

“Did you say BA – besiosis?”

”Yes, starts with a ‘B’” Dr. Swank explains, looking kind of annoyed that he has to literally spell it out for me.

“Oh, okay. Got it.” 

I’m visibly relieved. 

Dr. Swank must have wondered why I’m now smiling as he is explaining that he has prescribed two more medications for me. 

I mean I guess it’s kind of terrible to have two different tick-borne illnesses. But this is good news. I don’t have obesiosis – so I’m not going to get kicked out of my family. And apparently this explains why I’m still feeling lousy, and there is a cure – just take some more medicine. 

One last note . . . 

One of the medications is actually pretty horrible. Don’t know what it’s called, but it is, I think, among the foulest concoctions ever created by the human race. Pretty sure it is a certified toxic waste. It’s yellowish-greenish. It’s slightly thicker than old engine oil. But it tastes worse. Fortunately, it also has this great property where it seems to permanently coat anything it comes in contact with – like your tongue. So there is that silver – or greenish-yellowish – lining. 

Yuck!

But it’s only twice per day for ten days. 

Postscript . . . 

I have to admit I was more than a little put out by the lack of sympathy I received from my wife. I guess I was expecting something like: “That’s terrible. I hope you’re going to be okay.”

Instead I got a grocery list . . . literally. “Can you pick up some milk at the store. I’m not sure Ellie got it.”

”What? Did you see my text? I was diagnosed with babesiosis!”

”Oh yeah, I saw something about that. Make sure it’s 2%.”

And so it goes . . . 

Maybe next time I really will get obesiosis. That ought to at least get some attention of some kind . . .

(And by the way, Dr. Swank is like Diana. His prognosis? Full steam ahead on the trip. The only time they would recommend taking it easy is if you are dead . . . And even then, I’m not sure they would take it lying down . . .)