Adventures in Eating

Asserio – Horconcitos, Panama

It seems like ever since we crossed the border into Panama the simple act of eating has been a bit fraught.

It started with dinner last night. We stayed at a fun little family hotel about a mile or two from the border. But the thing with borders is – there’s a TON going on at the border, but go a quarter mile in any direction and it’s a complete dead zone. I guess locals either want to be right where the action is – and probably make some money off of the general confusion and mayhem – or they want nothing to do with the border at all. 

Being essentially in that dead zone between the border and regular Panama, once we showered we’re looking around and there is exactly one option: this little roadside stand/restaurant a few hundred feet from our room.

Our Spanish is getting better – especially Diana’s – but when we enter a new country it can be a little confusing – because there are generally new food terms that we don’t know yet. Last night was no exception. Our cheery host listed a bunch of options, including rice, beans, salad and meat (all of which we understood – and wanted). I’m not sure where the mistake was made – but I think it was me pointing at whatever they had at the next table. In any event, we ended up getting some beef – which Diana said was like hot jerky – and some fry bread. No rice. No beans. No salad . . .

I mean, it was no problem. The fry bread was good, the hot jerky was tasty – if a bit tough – and we just ordered a plate of all the other stuff. Things are cheap here so it’s just a learning experience . . . 

We ended up back there for breakfast this morning. I ordered huevos. They asked if I wanted tortillas or something else that I ddin’t understand. I’m kind of done with tortillas so I opted for “something else.” They asked how many. “Dos,” was my response. Hopefully that’s a reasonable number of whatever it is.

Well, turned out to be fry bread again. Must be their specialty. No worries. It’s good.

Diana is not a fry bread fan (“It reminds me of the food on the Rez (Diana interned at Shiprock in New Mexico during her residency – like 27 years ago)). So she ordered tortillas. Seemed pretty straightforward.

Except what they gave her was some kind of fried corn cake type thing. Pretty good. But definitely something new . . .

Lunch . . . We stopped in David – the second biggest city in Panama – and ended up trying yet another panadería . (Hope springs eternal . . .). Still not Paris or Italy, but there is some improvement anyway. To start with, it’s not like Mexico where it seems like everyone is carrying around baskets of month-old pastries that they are trying to hawk on you . . . 

The other thing we observed riding through David? In a harbinger of things to come, we saw lots of Chinese places. There was a dim sum place. Regular Chinese restaurants. Chinese “malls.” We didn’t end up partaking – but interesting. 

Before I get to dinner I need to provide a little more background on our day. Beautiful biking. I mean the road into David was not beautiful. Huge traffic jam of cars and trucks. Not pretty at all, really. 

But after David? Miles and miles of rolling hills – like we’re in Wisconsin – except with palm trees and coffee. Nobody around though. Like, really, nobody. And no services either. It’s hot – so I ran out of water too.

We finally turn off the main road to head to the town we’re in now – Horconcito. With not too many people living in this area it was a little difficult to find a place to stay – but Diana managed to track down an Airbnb – Coco House. 

As we come into town we ride past the Supermercado we plan to get dinner and breakfast at (because there apparently are not many options). Except it’s closed. Just two guys sitting outside the place – looking like John Kusac and his buddy on the curb outside the Circle K in Say Anything. 

I ask, and one of the guys says “A la tres” – meaning, we thought, that the store would open at 3. It’s a little before 3 – so we decide to go on to the Airbnb and then come back later.

“But why are they closed?” Diana asks.

”Must be siesta time,” I offer.

Diana accepts this and we’re off . . .

All good – Coco House is a nice place. Even has starfruit and lime trees in the back yard. 

Like I say, all good . . . except that when we go back to the store, it’s still closed. The Circle-K guys are still there, except now they looked kind of depressed. We ask about it being open. One guy mumbles a few words – and then goes over to the far corner of the store and pees. (At this point he reminds me of an Hispanic version of “Jim” in Taxi – always bedraggled and a little out of it – but with a good heart.)

Diana looks up reviews on the grocery store.

”Good place, good selection – except they randomly decide when they want to be open. Sometimes they don’t open at all . . .”

”Well, there was a mini-super back there,” I say, hopefully. 

(There are, in general, LOTS of stores in this part of the world. The “mini” stores are okay – but generally much smaller and with a much worse selection.)

We go there. It’s one of those Central America stores where the temperature inside the store is somehow above the boiling point. We wander around for a minute or two – sweating and just generally uncomfortable as we scan the store for items that we might be able to turn into breakfast and dinner – and then we both realize that the clerk at the front is watching a Chinese movie or Chinese soap opera or something – in Chinese. 

Eventually Diana employs one of her superpowers – and within a few seconds they are chatting away in Mandarin. This guy is married to a Panamanian girl. His folks are still in China. The town has one restaurant, but it’s not always open. And yes, he confirms that the supermarket is inconsistent in its hours . . . Oh, and he tells Diana that there are A LOT of Chinese people in Panama. (Bad news for Diana’s Chino attention – but maybe good news for our general communications . . .)

We buy some stuff for breakfast – at least they have eggs and a little milk – and head down the street to see if we can eat dinner at the one restaurant in town. If not, we can maybe scrounge something from the Chinese guy at the mini-super – but it won’t be pretty . . . maybe hot dogs or something…

We start looking for the restaurant. The Chinese guy and several people on the street tell us that it’s “right there” – pointing up the street. But we never do find it. Instead we stumble upon a third grocery store – this one kind of half-way in between a supermercado and a mini-super. It even has a meat counter . . .

There’s some cabbage and carrots in the refrigerator, some papas (potatoes) and some pork chops – so we can make dinner. That’s good. But Diana is sad because, as usual, we cannot find any cream. 

It’s at this point that Diana’s superpower kicks in again. Turns out that the young lady running the store – later we find out her name is Erica – is also Chinese. 

“Habla Mandarín?” I ask. (It’s my way of asking if she’s Chinese without saying something my kids would consider offensive – like: “Are you Chinese?”)

She says something to the effect of “Un poco” – but soon Diana and Erica are chattering away. Erica says she is actually just learning Chinese. She grew up in Panama. Guessing her parents own this grocery – but we don’t know for sure . . .

Very pleasant. And she’s 23 – the same age as our older daughter, Ellie.

I tell Diana to ask if they have cream. Sure enough, they do. But we can never ascertain information like this normally because of our language barriers. It turns out “cream” is not a concept Hispanic people understand very well. They have sour cream. But regular cream? Seems like they have very little use for it . . . Fortunately, Diana knows Chinese well obviously so she can ask subtle questions like “where’s the real cream?” Erica shows us a can of something that is apparently cream (we never thought to look for canned cream) – so dinner tonight is looking up!!!

What we’ve learned so far in Panama: Fry bread is apparently a big thing. American fast food chains are also big (there were a ton of the in David). There are a lot of Chinese people here. It’s very pretty. Panama is so far east that we are now in the same time zone as New York. (It’s one of those counterintuitive things – you think you are going straight south through Central America – but there is a lot of east in there . . .) And, as usual, the people seem super nice. Oh, and you can generally drink the water – which is awesome. You don’t realize how stressful it is to have to buy water all the time until you can go up to any fountain, turn it on, and fill your water bottles . . . Awesome.

Excited to try the starfruit tonight after dinner. 

Fun day. 

Who knew there were all these great countries south of the United States?

Okay – but now we’re conferring about tomorrow. The next 100 miles look pretty bleak. Diana managed to find one hotel in about 60 miles. It’s in the middle of the mountains – so it’s going to be a big day to get there. Hopefully they’re open, they have a restaurant, and they’re not full (Diana tried to What’sApp with them – but to no avail . . .)

If you don’t hear from us by Christmas, call somebody or something . . .