Rubbish

London, England

Have you noticed this new trend? You go to an Indian, or Thai, or Chinese restaurant and you order stir fry or curry or butter chicken or whatever. They bring it out a bit later. Chicken swimming in a rich yellow sauce. 

You start with a little rice, and then spoon out some curry – they are the perfect complements. The rice cuts the aromatic flavors of the curry. Mmmm.

Except there is no rice. 

That’s the new trend. The rice is extra. 

What?!? 

It wouldn’t be so bad if either the curry or the rice were reasonably priced. But we’re talking 18 pounds for the curry and another 5 pounds for the rice – which equates to about $30. 

For a little bowl of curry. 

It’s not even so much the price. It’s the feeling that you are being taken advantage of. It’s okay if you want to charge $30 for your curry. Great. Just be honest about it . . .

Curry – $30

Stir Fry – $29.50

Butter Chicken – $31

No problem. 

Especially if you build in the service charge. 

But I’m hoping this is only a European thing. We’ll soon see…

Think of it this way. You head to a bike shop. You pick out a nice new mountain bike. It’s $600. 

They bring it out to you.

You look confused.

”Oh, you want to ride the bike? No problem. I can bring you some wheels. They’re an additional $250.”

We encountered more of this nickel and dime type trend today when we arrived at the airport. We’re flying TAP – Air Portugal – a classic discount airlines. We’re walking up to the counter, all ready to check the bikes and get our boarding passes. 

Before we even get there, a uniformed man in a beard approaches. 

“What are those boxes? You cannot fly with those boxes.”

Diana is, of course, ready for this. 

“I checked the bikes yesterday. I paid for the bike tickets. I called in advance and they told me to put the bikes in boxes.”

”Oh, no, you cannot fly with boxes on TAP Airlines. You will need to wrap those boxes in plastic.” And he points to a little kiosk – conveniently located adjacent to the TAP check-in counter. 

“BASIC WRAP – 20 Pounds”

”But we’ve flown all over the world with our bikes in cardboard boxes. We’ve never had to do this before.”

”Oh, but TAP does not allow cardboard boxes. I’m so sorry. My hands are tied . . .”

So now we’re spending 40 pounds – or about $54 – to wrap our cardboard boxes in enough plastic to kill like 37 dolphins. 

Pretty sure TAP Airlines owns the plastic wrap kiosk. I guess this is how these discount airlines make their money. Seriously. We looked at the tickets. Flights – $2. Really, that’s what the tickets say. Taxes and fees – $95. Flight Charge (whatever that is) – $87. Bike – $120. 

And now $27 more per bike for the wrapping fee. 

Diana is not happy. “I called them. I paid for the bikes. We did exactly what they said . . .”

But I’m okay with this. It’s better than the rice. After all, we knew the airlines business model right from the start. They literally charge $2 for the tickets – of course they are going to nickel and dime you . . .

The funny part. 

We finally get the boxes wrapped, we check in, and they put the little sticker on the boxes, and then we bring them to the oversized luggage check in. 

The clerk puts them on the scale. 

“Why do they weight so much?” (The scale reads 30 kilos – well below the 32 kilo limit.)

”They’re heavy bikes,” I explain. He hasn’t said it yet – that you can’t put clothes in the bike boxes – but I see where he’s angling . . . You see – it’s like $120 additional if you want to check a bag with your clothes. They don’t want you to get around their cash cow by double-dipping on the bike box. 

“No clothes in these boxes?”

Diana jumps in. “No. Just bikes. The only thing in the boxes are bikes.”

You can see it in his eye. He wants desperately to take a look. But the boxes are hermetically sealed. With all the wrapping, it would take a chain saw to get them open at this point.

”Why did you wrap these boxes in plastic?” he demands.

After we explain, he tells us that they will x-ray the boxes, they can see exactly what’s in there, and if there is anything in there other than bikes, the bikes will not make it onto the plane. 

“There is nothing in there but our heavy bikes,” Diana tells him.

He eventually relents, telling us that it’s our risk, but he doubts they will make the journey. 

Never had that before . . .

And, fortunately, Diana is well ahead of the whole TAP cartel. Frankly, they don’t know who they’re messing with. 

Diana has little microchip things – like you put in your dog – in the bikes. And she has already confirmed they are, indeed, with us on the plane. I guess the microchips can send their signals right through the plastic wrap. Impressive.

Of course, we haven’t even begun to cover the ride to the airport – where we met Arrokim, our Sri Lankan cab driver. 

Arrokim is about fifty now, but, growing up, he was “a very naughty boy.” 

I’m thinking he stole mangos from the neighbors. 

Nope. He joined the Tamil Tigers and was part of their militia force, where he was involved in full-on war. Like, killing people.

He was eventually arrested and served a year-and-a-half in prison. 

When he was released he decided to clean up his act. He moved to London – and he’s been working his tail off ever since. 

About ten years later Arrokim’s parents let him know it is time for him to marry. After a few months they tell him his fiancé – whom he has never met before – is ready for him. He flies home, meets her, and four days later they are married. 

They have three children – 17, 15 and 12. They speak only Tamil in the house and, really, other languages are not welcome, or allowed. Nor are his children allowed to date non-Tamils. They can chooose their own spouse – but only if they are Tamil. 

Arrokim is very happy. And his wife and children are very happy. He cannot understand why some men have mistresses or second wives. 

“You need to get what you want and what you need from your own wife and family!”

He goes on to tell us about a man who is having two children – one with a mother, and one with the mother’s daughter. He does not like this man, or this situation. “It is very wrong!”

Arrokim is no longer naughty. He sends about 500 pounds per month home to his father. A lot of money in Sri Lanka. 

Arrokim saved up his earnings here, and he now owns land and an eight-bedroom house in Sri Lanka. The whole family travels home every summer, and Arrokim and his wife will eventually retire there.

That’s partially because of the weather in England. 

“It’s rubbish!” he explains. 

Like us, Arrokim likes Great Britain quite a bit. But the weather, “it’s absolute rubbish!”

So there you go. The world according to Arrokim. 

We had a wonderful time in London. 

It was really nice to stay in an actual house for a few days. Stocked kitchen. Sewing kits. Playing cards. Actual paper newspapers. Children worrying about college. Books and knick knacks and such. 

Even household problems. Who would think you would be gone so long that you would eventually start to miss broken toilets? Turns out that I kind of enjoy the whole routine. Analyze the issue (the toilet won’t flush). Figure out that there’s a broken wire. Make multiple trips to the hardware store (called DIY stores in England). And, ultimately, make some progress – but, sadly, realize that the store doesn’t have the parts you need . . . 

And then we had a chance to see old friends. Our buddy Bob – who helped train Diana in her residency days – moved over here – across the pond – about eighteen years ago, and we haven’t seen him since. Really fun to pick up right where we left off – like we just saw him last week. 

One other London thing. We visited the National Gallery yesterday. Amazing place. Huge, huge, huge collection of paintings – all completely free. We saw Degas, and Picasso, and Rubens, and Matisse, and Monet. 

I was really taken with one particular painting. It’s 1553 and King Edward VI dies. In Edward’s will he directs that Lady Jane Grey – his young cousin – succeed him on the throne. Jane lasts about eight days, before popular opinion turns and Edward’s sisters, who are, I guess, the rightful heirs, have her removed. She’s thrown into London Tower and, eventually, is beheaded – because she is seen as a threat to the new monarch – Queen Mary I. Jane is 16 or 17 years old, and, apparently, kind of bookish at the time of the beheading. Ouch. 

The painting shows them leading Jane to the execution. 

I don’t know – something about the scene resonates with me. I guess it just reinforces the whole people-are-brutes theme that seems to resurface again and again in our travels. Except this time we see that brutishness is not confined only to men . . .

Speaking of rubbish, afterwards, we had a bit of a Forrest Gump moment. We meet Bob at Traflagar Square and there are a lot of police around . . . Because the big protest against Donald Trump is coming through. 

I’ll pause here a moment. I try not to spend too much blog energy on politics – this just doesn’t seem like the place for it. So we’ll skip immigration, climate change, gun laws, energy policy, and tariffs, and stuff. These all involve short-term policies that can always be changed. 

But what does worry me is this idea that the administration is planning to crack down on liberal groups and their speech. Because really, this goes to our very democracy itself. Without a marketplace of ideas we are nothing but a third-rate dictatorship. I certainly hope our judiciary does its job and puts an end to this ridiculous idea that we are, any of us, stronger by silencing our enemies . . .

We also managed to meet our young friend Alex. We saw a play (Stereophonic – meh), tried another pub quiz (also meh), and then played Hearts with both Alex and Bob. Love (and miss) Hearts, and card games generally – although I hate losing to snot nosed kids… 😃

Oh, and Diana was even able to do some baking. Scrumptious crisp with apples Angie’s neighbors gave them, and molten brownies with ice cream! It was like a preview of home…

Alright – on to the rest of our trip. 

Now that we’ve had a few days off – with no rain and no wind – we’re starting to get excited about the last leg of our journey. 

We land in New Jersey – at Newark Airport – later tonight. Put the bikes together – provided they are not sequestered for the grave offense of having clothes in the box with the bikes – and then head to the Holiday Inn. Tomorrow we bike in to the City – with the plan to deposit the bikes in daughter Lauren’s apartment until we leave on Sunday.

Old college friend Jon F joins us then. First stop – Hamilton, New York – home of Colgate University – where Diana’s cousin and her husband are professors. Then on to Ithaca – home of Cornell University, our Alma Mater. Next stop: Niagara Falls, the Maid of the Mist, and a short jaunt through Canada. Then across Michigan to the Badger Ferry. Then across Lake Michigan, and into Wisconsin and the Central Time Zone. A few more days and we’ll be home . . . 

Just like that . . .

The one big issue is the looming winter. We don’t mind a little cool weather – but hopefully we avoid a full-on freeze. Kind of reminiscent of our race to Ushuaia a few months ago – had to get there before Jack Frost got too comfortable …

Because winter weather would be, well, . . . Rubbish!